The one is about that grumpy roommate, you know the guy, and the internal debate I find myself engaged I. I’ve been steaming without a release valve for some time now. The roommate’s behavior has impacted both my partner and me. A holdover from the Trauma he experienced living with an abusive Father…the abused becomes the abuser with no awareness that his projected anger is a perpetuation of the behavior he uses to justify his own victimhood. To the point here… my partner and I have grown sick of his lack of contributions in the house and his angry outbursts. So much so, that we’ve decided to talk to him and deliver an ultimatum – to either make strides to contribute and not take his rage out on the communal environment or to move out.
I find it comical that just as I’ve built up the gumption to have what will likely devolve into a hostile conversation he seems happier and is in a state of positive transition. I find myself second-guessing the necessity of having this conversation and can’t see whether or not my rationalizations are self-masturbatory – i.e “The avoidance is coming from a place of care and compassion” – and just an attempt to escape having a hard conversation. I think I would be happier not living with him, however, the underlying discomfort could just be my own shit and I wonder if I could make contributions that would change the dynamic. Both are probably true to some extent.
Post Script -[12.21.2022]
Having been out of that environment for nearly half a year it’s clear to me that a great deal if not all, of the mental suffering I experienced during that stint of cohabitation was directly a result of my own projections. Granted there were objective issues that would likely frustrate most people… however, I opted to allow the frustration, disgust, and anger to snowball into something that conveniently obscured my own projections. Which, as a result, led to the external stimuli becoming a grand distraction that kept me from seeing and taking accountability for my own shortcomings.