“Currently, my partner and I are in a weird space. I’ve struggled to overcome my insecurity, which has been plaguing our relationship. The insecurity has been causing tension and distance between us as I seem to continue to hurt her with my lack of trust and fear of being abandoned. This behavior pattern is one born of suffering and it has occurred to me that it is starting to inflict suffering not only on her but on myself, as well. I’ve become a bit too attached and allowed things to become unhealthy. I need to get back to myself. Establish healthy boundaries to nurture my Self and our relationship. My partner is out of the country and I’m a bit unsure of how things will go when she gets back. All I can do is have faith that she’ll still be stoked about our relationship and have the same aspirations for a long-term partnership.
At the same time, I have to establish a sense of self-confidence so that even if she and I don’t work out I’m not destroyed. I want to be the strongest/best man I can be for her. She deserves the very best. Which I have not embodied. I keep attempting to dissect the insecurity in my mind. I’ve done it at least a couple of times in previous journal entries. What I’m starting to realize is that trying to mentally work through it or go to friends/loved ones and talk through it doesn’t seem to be an effective way to overcome the insecurities. It helps me to feel better in the moment, but the perspective I’ve garnered from those methods hasn’t actually changed me.“