I’m not sure how to broach this subject… but I find (increasingly) that my conceptions about the esoteric nature of reality and my own personal cosmology are of a narrow perspective. Potentially one that I’ve never actually questioned properly. I do feel resonance with specific ideals and beliefs that I’ve formed since the age of 16 when I first met my teacher. Call it (if you’d like) an undisclosed Agnosticism. I now see the error in my extreme distaste for the specific string of Buddhism I encountered in India. I remember revolting from the Dogma and rigidity of the lesson we experienced during the silent retreat only to, nearly a decade later, see that my own faith in Sri Aurobindo’s cosmology has been equally rigid and stifling. This is certainly true in so far as my unwillingness to question or deeply analyze any of the beliefs I held dearly. The beliefs I espoused as axiomatic.
I realize this scrawling is hardly organized or concise. The truth is, I’m still working through these revelations. Ideally, I will spend enough time contemplating this to gain a depth of perspective that will allow me to formulate a practice and spiritual discipline that isn’t predicated on elitism and an US vs. Them mentality, or some other subtly restrictive maxim. I hope to not experience a deep sense of loss or revolt as a byproduct of the unraveling of the Gordian knot of my own spiritual conditioning, which for better or worse I have accepted as the ultimate truth somewhere along the way.